unhappy holidays!

How to honor your voids during the holiday season without being a burden to yourself.

With being a ‘Fall baby’, (shout out to all my fellow Scorpio’s and Sagittarius), this time of the year has always been my favorite. Not just because it’s my Soular Return date 11/21, but because I knew it meant the 3 F’s for me were in full effect! Family, Food and Festivities!!! Coming together with family and friends has always been the highlight of my days during this time of year since forever, my birthday along with the holidays gave me the perfect balance of reciprocity that meant getting and giving love and appreciation full circle. Celebrating life, full of happiness, embracing your loved ones, creating more and sharing tear nearing memories. Though now, that is all the season of Fall brings me, memories. And everything I use to enjoy about this time seems like a fantasy. I would say for the last 3-4 years the 3 F’s as I knew them as Family, Food and Festivities became Fragile, Fatuous and Frustration. I no longer looked forward to being surrounded by loved ones, being celebratory, or elated with joy. All of a sudden there’s this feeling of aloofness and everything I once had, pulling away in a drift causing me to yearn.

So, knowing that I am one of many who may endure such feelings during these family oriented times, I’ve decided to share a few ways to ease your despair or anyone you may know who sounds like they have the same mindset I had for the last several years. In 3 simple steps you can be relieved of those negative emotions by fostering a more positive attitude towards the holiday months.

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Step 1: Honor the void

When honoring something you are paying your respects and admiration for whatever’s in your presence. In this instance you’d be recognizing your emotions for what they are, bringing awareness to what you are feeling. In doing so you will allow yourself time to process and reflect on what is going on. What’s causing you to feel this way? What are the thoughts that’s connected to this emotion? Analyze what's causing you to feel the way you're feeling without passing judgement but enduring it graciously, showing compassion. Even if it means shedding plenty tears, as this is a form of releasing which is good for the nervous system, or if you have to speak aloud bringing it all to the forefront of your consciousness, so that this void knows that you’re in its place. Now you can address it 'face to face'.

Step 2: Embodying the void

This is when you’ll utilize your creative abilities to establish new or modify existing traditions to align with your current circumstances. You're now able to personify with the void, allowing yourself to embrace what is and shift your focus on creating positive associations to your dwellings. Realizing that the chemistry of your woes and what you are feeling is a natural reaction to what's been experienced in the body or is being experienced in the body though understanding that we mindfully have the advantage of controlling what we can and slipping away from what we can not. Giving yourself permission to change the trajectory of how you're thinking or feeling through change of perception. Perception is infinity, we must gravitate towards what resonates with us.

"I can almost guarantee that we fathom more grief and sorrow during the holiday season than any other time of year, as it can evoke a range of emotions. It's a time where such emotions are heightened for various reasons, whether it’s financial matters (pressure of responsibilities/lack mindset), family matters (unsettled differences or bereavement), or self imposed torment (deprivation/overextending). These are all natural factors that are often associated with the last few months leading up to the new year that ultimately doesn't have to be the case." - Michael McGuire

Step 3: Filling the void

Since acknowledging what is missing and what's ticking us off, now is where we announce what we do have through showing gratitude. This step will be the most important aspect of overcoming the blues during the fall and winter months, gratitude will be the warmth that melts the coldness of the heart. Reaching out to what family and friends we do have, or joining support groups in efforts of sharing your feelings and letting someone know how they can support you. Engaging in activities that brings a sense of meaning and fulfillment even if it's nothing of tradition from typical holiday celebrations. I recently spoke with a good friend of mine who shared he listened to a podcast earlier this week, and they were discussing how to manage not having what you need by being what someone else may need. For example, if you're feeling alone be with someone else who you know could use some company. If you could use assistance in any aspect, try being the assistance you know someone else needs because often times we have to reinforce what we want by being what we want to attract. Be the light you are to get the light you need.

Remember, it is okay to prioritize your well being during these last days of the year, as this is a standard form of self care. Try tailoring your holiday experiences beforehand to best suit your emotional and mental needs in ways that do not leave you wallowing in low spirits. Pay greater attention to your values, and those who you know genuinely appreciate you. Cultivate your own happiness by acknowledging what you already possess and remain mindful of what more can be obtained. One of my favorite quotes today and has been for awhile now in my journey is, "Your family is not what you come from but what you create." and Jhene Aiko also said, "NO ONE CAN TAKE FROM YOU, WHAT YOU CREATE FOR YOU". also my fav. <3 Leave a comment below offering ways you honor yourself during the holiday seasons, pertaining to any examples I've shared or something of your own! I also highly recommend purchasing a copy of my SELF CARE JOURNAL, available on Amazon https://tr.ee/HpjAHLwMbg meant for intention setting and self reflecting to get you started or assist with your own journey of self exploration and self admiration. ttyl :)